Can We Really Have It All?

[00:00:00] Hi there, Janine Garner here for another episode of Unleashing Brilliance. Today I want to talk to you about this question that is bandied about so often. Can we really have it all? What do you think? Can you have it all? Can you have it all at once? or is it that you can have it, but not all at once? I don't know if you've had that conversation running through your head at all, but it's certainly one that I hear many times in the work that I do.

That question of, can we really have it all? And what I find is that when times get tough, which many of you could be experiencing right now, you know, we might Find that times get tough because we're having to make tough decisions in our businesses. It may be that things are going on in your world personally and professionally that add to those tough times.

they add a certain level of questioning to the choices or about the choices that we've made. You know, we might ask ourselves, What am I doing? Should I be doing this? Should I actually step back?[00:01:00] what am I doing all this for? Can I really have it all? Why am I trying to do this? And this question pops up so often in my world that I decided to track down an old article that appeared in, I think it was about 2019 in Madison Magazine, here in the uk.

And the whole article was titled, Can We Have It All? And at the time I was group marketing director at Oroton Group, so I had a full time job. I was managing the art and brands, across Australia, New Zealand, launching it into the Europe, into Hong Kong, sorry. And then I also was looking after the Ralph Lauren brand here in Australia and New Zealand.

I also had three children, still got them by the way, but they're much older now. But at the time I was holding down this corporate job as was my husband, he was working full time as well. And we had three [00:02:00] children who were probably at the time, Oh gosh, I can't even remember. You can find the article actually if you look at it.

But they were young. They were, there was one that wasn't at school and two at school. at primary school. And the editor of Madison asked me to keep a diary for about a week, where I literally kept track of everything that I was doing that week at home and at work. And the context of the article was really trying to answer this question, Can we really have it all?

Oh gosh, it's fascinating what happened. you know, for me, and how, where we were at, at that stage in our life, we had No help from family around. My family were either interstate or overseas. Many of our friends hadn't even started having children, we had the kids in and out of daycare or into school or after school care.

So life was a little bit mental. but we kept going. But on reflection, when I think about what's changed since then and now, yes. The kids [00:03:00] have grown up, they're significantly older now, young adults now, I've built and sold a business. yes, we still have, difficult days. Jason is my husband, is incredible in his support.

And what it made me realize was that I actually do believe that as women we can have it all, but what it takes is a lot of intentionality and what it takes Is a lot of focus, a lot of ownership around the choices that you are making. When I reflect on where I was in 2019 and that article in Madison magazine and where I'm at now at the stage of life, I'm at now, the business that I've got, that we've built, the clients that we serve, the work that we do, the age of our kids.

I think what it's taken, what it takes to have whatever your definition of having it all is, and by the way, that's all it is, isn't it? It's having it all, is your own definition. [00:04:00] Who's to say what that actually means? But here's what I do think it does mean. I think it takes a significant amount of grit, determination and resilience.

to have it all. It requires you to dig deep. It requires you to get hungry and it requires you to have that resilience to pick yourself up when it feels like all around you is falling apart. I think this therefore requires you to be brave. It requires you to be brave enough, not only to pick yourself up, but to actually Ask for help.

It's hard asking for help, isn't it? I cannot tell you how many times I found it hard to reach out and ask for help because I felt like I should know the answer. I felt like I should do it. I felt like I should be able to solve this. Ridiculous! None of us can be successful alone. Not one of us has all the answers.

Asking for help requires a significant amount of bravery. And when we're brave enough to ask for help we're maximizing our chances [00:05:00] to have whatever all means to us. I think it also requires us to prioritize, the areas of our life that are immovable. It requires us to get really, really clear on what are our boundaries, what are our non negotiables, what are the very things that enable you to both perform at your best professionally, but also to ensure that you're bringing your best to every facet of your life, to your work, to your clients, to your family, to those people that are important to you and also yourself, that ability to look after this incredible body of yours that is capable of transporting this amazing mind of yours through the work that you do. So we've got to set those boundaries in place and ensure that they're non negotiables.

I think it also requires this inner knowing of yourself. For me, I got to this point of it felt like everything around me was [00:06:00] moving like crazy and I had no control of it and I had this moment of realisation which was actually the only thing I can control in all of the chaos at any single point, is who I am, who I am being, and who it is that I want to become. And this insane knowing about who I am, who I am being every single day, and being intentional about that, and being very intentional about the choices I'm making, about who it is that I want to become, are key. Getting really clear on what is it that you want and knowing your worthiness, knowing your value to the point that you are absolutely willing to stand up for yourself, that you are willing to ask for help when times are tough.

So I think, I think those are the key things, that ability to have it all. We've got to have great determination and resilience. We've got to be brave enough to ask for help. We've got to prioritize our non negotiables, the very things that enable us to perform our best. and we've got to have this [00:07:00] real knowing of what it is that we want, who it is that we are and who it is that we are becoming. And having it all, what I realized between 2019 today, it doesn't necessarily happen overnight and also it changes as your life changes. You know, we're, we're masters of transition. Nobody is the same person they are today than they were six years ago, 10 years ago when they were born. We are the masters of transition.

We're constantly evolving. And I think to understand that having it all doesn't happen overnight, that it requires you to every single day make the choices that you know are going to unlock even more possibility for you. It does mean working hard, but it also means resting hard. It means resting and giving yourself the grace, the kindness, the time off so that you can get up and do it all again the [00:08:00] next day so that you can serve your clients, your team, whoever it is in the best way you possibly can.

And it requires us to make decisions that serve you and bring out the best in you, that allow you to really take ownership and stand in your power of, being who it is that you want to be versus that people pleasing piece, that piece where we're actually letting our own boundaries go, our own values go because we're constantly in that people pleasing place.

Here's the thing that I have learned over the years since that article was published in Madison. I've learned that having it all does not equate to reaching a certain milestone. It doesn't equate to reaching a certain level of income. It absolutely doesn't equate to any of the materialistic stuff.

For me, having it all is, that moment in time. It happens when, you decide to prioritise what matters to [00:09:00] you. When you decide to take ownership of what is important to you, to you professionally and to you personally. And it happens when through that prioritization you guard every single choice you make.

You guard what you let into your world. You guard the effort you're putting out into the world. You guard the people that you are transferring energy with. You guard the clients that you're prepared to work with. It's those choices that you are making for yourself, taking ownership of those choices. to support the life that you want.

And to me, that is having it all and why having it all evolves over time. I hope you've enjoyed this episode. If there's anything at all I can help you with, please reach out. And I'm always really curious to see [00:10:00] and hear what resonates. So please send me the message, a message of what really resonated for you today.

And I want you to think about this week, watch what you're doing every single day and get really connected to the conversations you're having, the choices you're making, the decisions you're making, where you're putting your energy. I want you to get curious and ask yourself, are you choosing to have it all?

Or are you choosing to let the opportunity. of it all slip away because you're focusing your energy on the wrong things. I'll see you next week. Thanks for listening.