4 Reasons Saying NO Really Matters

[00:00:00] So we all know that no is a word that we need to get better at saying. In fact, we need to start saying no more and yes less. But why do we find it so hard? And why is it important that we actually get into the habit of saying no way more frequently than yes. I want to share with you four reasons why no really matters on today's episode.

And as I was thinking about today's episode, it reminded me of when I was a new parent. Imagine having given birth to your first baby and five months later, you're returning to full time work. You've got very little family support around you. And that added pressure of going back to work full time and building, rebuilding a career in a brand new country.

Well, that actually was the reality for me. And at the time I can distinctly remember feeling this [00:01:00] intense pressure of having to be a new mum, having to do all the things that I thought I had to do as a new mum, looking after my own health and wellbeing, going back to work, looking after my team, reporting into my MD at the same time, trying to be a good partner.

And to be honest with you, it actually left me on that brink of burnout. Really hitting that sense of helplessness and absolutely exhausted because I was just trying to be the perfect everything. I was trying to be the perfect parent, the perfect manager, the perfect partner, the perfect friends all at once and what actually happened for me by saying yes, yes, yes and people pleasing, it depleted all the energy levels that I had and I was operating purely out of a sense of survival.

I was absolutely not thriving in any way and I remember one day going into work and I'd hit this point of going, I [00:02:00] can't do this anymore. And I reached breaking point, I had to make that tough choice and I had the discussion with my boss and the tough choice was I either leave this job or I'm going to have to reduce my hours.

And surprisingly, my boss at the time responded with, Oh my goodness, Janine, of course, what can we do to help? What can we do to help you? And this was a real turning point for me because I realized that being exhausted wasn't leadership, nor was it inspiring to other people. And I also realized that saying yes to everybody else, that was not serving me in any way.

And actually, yes was serving everyone else, and it wasn't serving me. It wasn't putting me into that position of feeling great, well, healthy, thriving in any way. And this got me thinking about how many of us actually operate from a place of people pleasing. And as a result of that, we put other people before ourselves first.

We say yes way too [00:03:00] much, and often we're at the bottom of the care pile. You know, we're living in an era right now where our calendars are jammed. They're absolutely crammed to breaking point as a result of commitments that we've said yes to. Our inboxes are overflowing as a result of everybody else essentially throwing things our way.

It's almost like we get an email and we flick it onto someone else and it's off our to do list, but guess what? Our inboxes, those in of inboxes or emails end up with inboxes overflowing and we say yes, way too much to everyone else's demands, versus saying no and looking after ourselves. This busyness has become almost a default response.

Uh, you think about how many times in a day you're asked, how are you? And you go busy. And I really do think that we've got to rethink this. It's time to pause, to reconsider. It's time to really question whether this sense of busyness, this people pleasing, this saying yes to other people, [00:04:00] Is a badge of honour or whether we're actually using it as a bit of an excuse because the real issue lies in our inability to say no, to set our own boundaries, to take ownership and control of our own time, our own calendars, our own commitments, and every single time we say yes to something, there's always a cost.

And I think we've got to rethink this thing. You know, we say yes to the possibility of something, but what we fail to do is think about the cost of that yes. And every single yes is costing us in terms of time, in terms of money, in terms of energy, in terms of focus. It's costing us in terms of yet another email in our inbox, yet another commitment in our calendar, yet another thing that suddenly we've got to divert our energy, our focus, our time, our energy on.

And I reckon we've got to reshape this. I reckon we've got to rethink it. And I think that our default has to be no versus our default being yes. This real [00:05:00] inability to say no is having a significant impact on our abilities to focus in our businesses, on our ability to double down on the right stuff, on our ability to not follow shiny stuff, on our ability to put our energy, our time, our focus and our commitment to the very things that are going to help our businesses move faster. What I want to share with you today is four reasons why you've got to get better at saying no. Because this busy epidemic is real. This people pleasing is real. This putting other people essentially in control of your calendar is real.

And actually email is in control of you more than you being in control of it. So reason number one is that when we say no, it actually gives us a sense of direction.

See, otherwise, if we don't do this, what tends to happen is we end up with way too many eggs in one basket[00:06:00] and the problem there is that you actually can't focus because you're trying to juggle way too many things. So I remember at the start of the year, and I'm sure many of you do this to the start of the year.

You make all these commitments to yourself, all these new year's resolutions, all these new plans for your business. And you set off with great intentions. You know, for me, I wanted to learn to ocean swim. I wanted to refresh my client programs. I wanted to grow my business. I wanted to create more space for myself and I wanted, you know, more, more, more, more and then as this lists of once grew, what quickly became obvious to me is that list was unachievable. I was setting myself up for failure from day one because I knew that I had limited time to focus and actually move that business forward. So what I had to do is really think about what I was going to say no to. I had to be very intentional about what I was going to commit to, where I was going to focus my time, my energy, my dollars, my commitment, my [00:07:00] connections, so that I had the focus to ensure that that doubling down of energy would enable the direction of my business to grow in the way I wanted it to grow.

And so saying no allowed me to essentially, what I did, you think about that concept or the analogy of having too many eggs in one basket, what I was doing by saying no was removing eggs. So I ended up with a handful of eggs in my basket that I could actually focus on and ensure that every single bit of effort, of time, of energy, of money, was focused on a small number of things.

Suddenly those goals that I set out to achieve became more achievable, became more possible. And rather than saying yes to everything by saying no, the directional, the intention, the focus enabled me to move forward. So I think what you've got to do is first up know that saying no gives you a sense of direction and I really encourage you to figure [00:08:00] out what needs your greatest focus right now and only say yes to the very things that align with that.

So that's the first thing. The second reason I think no really matters is I think when you say no it gives you a resolve. It helps make you stronger against those naysayers. The people that are trying to zap you of energy or trying to hold you back. And the more that you can say no, and have the resolve around that, the more that you can hold your ground. Whilst it may annoy some other people, it might piss some people off, saying no becomes empowering over time. So it shows that you're absolutely committed that you have the resolve to focus your time and energy on the very thing that matters. An example of that for me was very much a commitment. You know, we've got a busy business.

Our business is scaling and growing really quickly. We're investing in [00:09:00] things. That are absolutely going to give our clients, what they need right now to grow their businesses in this current, very challenging climate. And we're working hard in our businesses, many of us in our own businesses do. But what it also meant is that then and ensuring that we committed quality time to our family.

And so for me, in this instance of no giving me a resolve, was instead of saying yes all the time to every single invitation that came out or every single networking function or every single opportunity to connect, this was making me really clear that nothing could take away that quality time either from the business or from my family.

So for us saying no gave me personally that significant strength of resolve. So that's the second one. I think no gives you resolve. The third reason saying no matters is I truly believe that saying no teaches you to [00:10:00] value your own time. It, actually means that you're banishing that multitasking in favour of putting a hundred percent of your efforts into one task at a time.

You know, Warren Buffett, the very famous and very successful entrepreneur, famously once said that the difference between successful people and really successful people is that really successful people say no to almost everything. So really successful people say no to almost everything. I truly believe that if you can save yourself the time and the stress by saying no to activities that don't serve you at this moment in time.

So saying no shows that you're actually valuing your time. You're valuing where you're going to invest your time. Time is our scarcest resource right now. So many of us are saying we're busy. We don't have time to do X, Y, or Z. But I would challenge that the reason you don't have time to do [00:11:00] X, Y, or Z is because you've said yes to too many things that aren't actually supporting the momentum forward. Again, just further supports for me that that Warren Buffett quote of the difference between successful people and really successful people is that really successful people say no to almost everything. I wonder what your calendar would look like if you just said no as the first response.

I'm not going to do that. Now this final one, the final, the fourth reason, I want to share as to why no really matters is I do believe that no allows you to align with your value system. It allows you to align with your value system. Think about it. How many times have you said yes to something? How many times have you said yes to a project, a contra deal, meeting up with someone, going to a networking event, doing some work.

And you know, when you say yes, deep down, you just know that you're saying yes for the [00:12:00] wrong reasons. You can feel it in your belly. The intuition is like screaming at you. Don't say yes to this, but we say yes. And then there's always that moment, isn't there, further down where you go, Bloody hell, I knew I should have said no to that.

Could be an employee, could be a client. Could be getting involved in something. And the reason, you know, you end up regretting it is because it's not aligned with your values. It's not aligned with the work that you want to be doing with the clients that you want to work with. And so I think saying no allows you to align with your values.

So what I do, I've made a list and I'll share them with you in a second of the six key values that I work to, and I ask myself before I say yes, I make sure that I'm only saying yes to things that are aligned with these values that are aligned with the vision and the direction that I'm taking our organization, our business, our family, and my life.

So, so these six values that I have, I'm [00:13:00] literally, every single time something pops up in my calendar or an email comes in or an opportunity before I say yes, I look at these six values of mine and I go, is this aligned? Yes or no? Is this aligned? Yes or no? Is this going to serve this? Yes or no? Does this add to this?

Yes or no? And if there's no's, if it's no's all the way through, it's a big fat no from me. If there's the only occasional no, that's where I'm intentionally making a decision. I'm making an intentional choice as to whether I say yes or no versus passively people pleasing and saying yes immediately.

So here's my six values. So first up, I say yes to things that are going to be fun. Life is too short. I don't want to do things that make me unhappy, make me sad, add stress to my world. It's got to be fun. So my number one value is it's got to be fun. The second value that I have is, is this thing going to [00:14:00] fuel my energy?

Or is it going to deplete my energy? If it's going to deplete my energy, it's a big fat no from me. The third one I have is I want to work with people that are curious. and so the question. that I'm asking myself is, is this opportunity? Is this phone call? Is this meeting? Is this networking event? Is this new client?

Are these people curious to become better? And I know that I get my biggest, I do my best work when I'm amongst people that are curious. So that's my third one. My fourth one is. I ask myself, does this thing support my personal growth? And when I talk about personal growth, it could be mentally, is this something that I'm growing from, intellectually, physically, spiritually, creatively.

I'm asking myself every single time, does me saying yes to this thing, is this thing [00:15:00] supporting my personal growth? Yes or no? If it's no, Big fat no. If it's yes, then of course I'm going to be curious and do it. The fifth one for me is, does this thing benefit my family and those I love? Because they will always come first and does it not detract from my client focus?

So I have an unreasonable commitment to my clients and to connecting with them and to my family. And so this fifth value for me is really making sure that whatever I'm saying yes to it cannot in any way detract from my existing clients. It's got to add to them and I'm asking myself, does this benefit my family?

So sometimes, in my world, it could be I'm being asked to speak internationally traveling. I might be doing some study and for me all of that [00:16:00] benefits the family it benefits us financially it benefits me from a intellectual growth perspective and it benefits my clients in terms of the work that I'm doing continuously to become better as the leader of my business and my community so that I can serve my clients more.

And the final one is, does this help me create a priceless memory? So I'm always asking myself, does this help me create a priceless memory? So I'll go over those quickly again. So I believe that saying no really matters for four key reasons.

Number one, it gives you saying no, gives you a sense of direction. Number two, saying no gives you resolve around why you're doing what you're doing. Number three, no teaches you to value your own time and it also teaches others to respect your time. And the final one for me, the most important one is that no allows me to align my decisions, my [00:17:00] choices to my values.

And those values again are for me, it's got to be fun. It has to fuel my energy, not deplete my energy. I have to be amongst people that are curious. It has to support my personal growth and that could be mentally, physically, spiritually, creatively, intellectually. Number five, it has to benefit my family and those I love because they come first and not detract from my existing clients and my commitment to my clients.

And the final one, is it must help me create a priceless memory. So I'm curious, are you ready to let your values guide you in saying no in your journey? And I'd love to hear in the comments what you think about this. I'd also love to hear what some of your values are that you align your no's to, because I do believe that when you're clear on this, it gives you more power, more strength and more resolved to [00:18:00] say no versus saying yes to the wrong things.

It allows you to say yes to the right things, the things that are going to benefit you as a leader, you as a business owner. That are going to enable you to double down on the right work that's going to support the growth of your business and you being in service to your clients and allow you to say yes to the very things that enable you to do the work that you love in the way that you want to do it, working with the clients that you love.

So make sure you drop in the comments or give me a message, DM me. I'd love to hear what you think. about these four reasons why saying no matters and I'd love to hear about your values. I'll catch up with you next week.