WARNING: NOT TO BE READ BY ANYONE CLAIMING TO BE WONDER WOMAN ALL THE TIME
Sometimes we all have one of those days don’t we? I mean, it’s not just me who has that occasional feeling of ‘seriously?’ or ‘you have to be kidding me?’ – or less elegantly ‘what the [insert expletive here]???’
Yesterday was one of those less than sparkling days. Of course, I kept asking myself what the universe was trying to teach me; what the lesson was in all of this – that I needed to trust in the process. But in the end, I decided to give it all up as a bad job and simply share it as an example of how trying to wear your underpants on the outside all the time (to quote another LBD member) doesn’t always succeed, and sometimes the only thing that saves the day is the kindness of strangers, a friendly face and a large glass of wine at the end of a long, long journey!
Here is a Life in the Day of Janine Garner – Wanna-Be Wonder Woman and Survivor. Be warned. It isn’t pretty – but it will make you laugh. Or cry. I did both…
- Start off nicely with an early morning exercise session. OK, you say – sounds reasonable. But wait, there’s more – and it doesn’t involve free steak knives.
- Evolve rapidly to donning the UN light blue beret as negotiations over school lunches, school bags, and getting dressed with the the three under-10s occur during breakfast at the same time as WWF wrestling championships which nobody wins satisfactorily;
- With Departure Minus T-10, we have the inevitable ‘Mum I need that video footage from the weekend for show and and tell today. I NEED IT NOW. I NEED IT SAVED TO A USB. NOW, NOW, NOW.’
- Challenge completed, only to not be able to find car and house keys, so off to school with spare car key and house unlocked (and with WWF challenge still unresolved – leading to car-trip sulks and less than enthusiastic responses to ‘I love you darling’ at drop off);
- Immediately after drop off, ‘beep beep’ reminder that I am supposed to be back at school for reading group;
- Challenge accepted and completed (wiping sweat from unmade up brow);
- Finally receive call from usually much beloved husband advising location of keys (which incidentally also have office keys attached), head home and collect to head into office to print off materials for workshop in Melbourne today. Some may say why did I leave this until the last minute – I didn’t – my printer blew up on Sunday. I repeat, Wonder Woman’s underpants sometimes lose their elastic, people!
- Printing done. Head to doctor for check up after evil flu. Compulsory wait time provides compulsory relax time. I breathe for the first time all day.
- Doctor – TMI for anyone really.
- Oh nooooo – forgot to pick up packages to mail out. Breathe, Janine, breathe!
- Bliss. Strategy meeting. Sensible people. Real work. Ideas. Thinking. Hurrah!
- 3:45 – all I have to do is get to the airport for a flight to Melbourne. And this is where Wonder Woman kicks fate in the teeth by saying ‘oh this is no problem at all’.
- Reach airport. Pay for parking… and…
- Re-start car, which has obviously been tampered with by one of the forces of darkness, as it explodes, bursts into flames, and smoke and fumes start filling the car. I commando roll out of the car as elegantly as one can in skinny jeans, heels and of course with a golden lasso in hand to a crowd of people gasping in shock, concern and listening to the most incredible use of expletives ever to come from the mouth of an elegant (well, I LOOK that way) blonde woman (SO not on brand!)
- Car is rescued, towed, and I throw myself into sadly, not a replacement invisible jet but a cab to make my 6.15 flight… at 5.50.
Now – here comes the SuperHero speech (or is that Oscar winning?)
Thank you to the friend who took it upon herself to calmly make me peppermint tea, force feed me chocolate and organise the four wheel drive to tow my car from the garage to the tow truck and get me a cab to the airport.
Thank you to the towing company who took control of the situation professionally and without laughing at the crazy woman.
Thank you to the two wonderful strangers who helped me roll the car to a safe place in the car park, and the car park attendant who was calm, collected and didn’t freak out about a broken down car in his car park.
The entire staff at Virgin who dealt with my hysteria at the thought of missing my flight, the security guys who dealt with my equal hysteria at my bag going through the machine three (THREE) times – and the other guests on the flight who didn’t snarl at me holding their flight up.
The flight attendant who immediately recognised my need for alcohol as soon as I sat down in the naughty seats at the back of the plane.
My wonderful, calm, funny husband for his texts.
And my gorgeous friend, mentor and colleague who picked me up at the airport and took me home. And listened to this tale of tragedy with a semi-straight face.
I’d like to pretend I am a super-hero. Most days I feel like I really can fly. But just occasionally…
I’d quite like to let the Invisible Jet’s tyres down.
If I could damn well see them.
